Dear younger self
Oh dear, where do I start?
Know this, it will get better, I promise. Your thirties become a time of settling down and becoming you.
You will find a settled and happy home with a good husband and your own dog.
You will find yoga, mediation and prayer will start to heal the depression.
You will find work which suits you and your preferred way of working.
You will find your creativity in music and words which will allow you to become you.
To come into yourself.
You are so defiant and holding off the world through the way you act, dress and behave. But you really don’t need to, people do like you when they get to know you, you just have to let that pricklyness soften.
You work so damn hard and are continually pushing to succeed, always going for more, better. Trying to find yourself through achievement. It doesn’t work you know, but I love you for trying.
Oh! That raging jealousy you have at the creative people you hang out with. You are creative – deeply creative, you just haven’t found your voice yet. I want to tell you – it’s music and words, spend your money on music lessons, going to gigs and reading everything you can and then writing about your experiences. You had lost your way on that in your twenties and wouldn’t dream of spending money on music lessons. Please, if you can hear me, do it.
More than anything I want you to know that you are loved, you are a good person and you are creative. If you could internalise that then you would become so much happier.
with a huge amount of hugs and love, Jen
Today’s poem as text:
Defiantly holding off the world
With a glare or sharp word
Spiky hair warning people off
There is danger here so
Much toxicity it may burst
Out of this tightly bound
Burning everyone and everything
In its path.
Eating through feelings
The spikes protecting but
Yet not allowing people
Near, or to help
This is part of the April Love Letters project.